Mollie

At 23, I was living where I had studied, was surrounded by friends, in a long term relationship and about to buy my first house. I was content with my life, but I knew I could be happier and I always say you go after the life you want or you settle for the life you’ve got. 

Within a couple of weeks of ending my relationship and getting out of the house contract, I was living in the Galapagos Islands. I found a job half way around the world!

I was teaching English in the mornings and in the afternoon was swimming. I was living in paradise surrounded by sea lions, penguins, turtles and many other animals. I met an Islander, and we talked about building an English school out there as I knew I wanted to stay in the Galapagos. 

I suddenly developed some very strange symptoms. I woke up one day with a weird feeling when I breathed in. I went to hospital and had a chest X-ray which came back clear. But the symptoms got worse; I was breathless, in pain and itching. 

I went to see a private doctor who recommended I eat more vegetables, and I really hoped this would help. But it didn’t. And other suggestions, like it could be the air conditioning, made no difference either.

On 1 February 2023 I decided to visit my family back home and booked the flights 24 hours later. The four flights took 48 hours and I felt really poorly on the plane. Within 12 hours of getting off the plane I was in A&E, having collapsed. 

Initially they thought it could be a tropical disease like dengue fever (an infection spread by mosquitoes). Multiple tests and scans were carried out which revealed a 17x8cm tumour the size of a melon surrounding my heart and left lung. This explained why I was struggling with breathing, chest pains and had been having difficulty eating.

Within 48 hours of arriving back in the UK, I was told I had stage 4 cancer, something that hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was told it was a blood cancer, but that they would need to wait for the biopsy results to confirm what type.  

I was diagnosed with diffuse large B-cell lymphoma, a type of high-grade non-Hodgkin lymphoma. It was the biggest shock ever and at the time I did not react. It was a mix of relief that they knew what was wrong, validation that I wasn’t imaging things, even though I had been playing it down, and confusion as I’d never even heard of lymphoma. 

As I was now only 24, I wanted to consider fertility and freezing embryos. But my lymphoma was advanced and they needed to start chemotherapy there and then. They decided to put me into a temporary menopause to try and protect some of my eggs, but I’m not sure how successful that will be yet. 

I was to have six rounds of DA-EPOCH, which is a combination of chemotherapy drugs. I was in hospital for six days in a row strapped to a machine. I was told the treatment would be tough and it was. I spent time vomiting, feeling weak and feeling scared. It felt like I was being pumped with poison.

I lost my hair which I’d never cut, and which fell down to my bum. I asked about the cold cap (sometimes used to prevent hair loss by reducing the blood flow to the scalp) but was told it wasn’t suitable for people with lymphoma. I also lost my eyebrows and eyelashes and put on 4 stone in weight because of the steroids. I just didn’t feel like the same person at all.

I was in hospital for 130 days in total as I had sepsis several times as I seemed to pick up an infection when I went home. I was at a real low point. 

Mid way through treatment, I had a scan which showed that my tumour had shrunk by 80%. My body seemed to feel healthier too and I wondered whether this was because the cancer was going. It felt like I was turning a corner and I felt more positive about what was happening.

A scan six weeks after treatment finished showed a little bit of inflammation. My medical team explained that it could be scarring as a result of the treatment and that another scan three months later would be needed. This was torture for me as I knew how quickly the tumour had grown before.

When I was told I was in remission it was the biggest relief and almost felt too good to be true. I am grateful because I know not everyone gets the all clear. But I do worry whether it will come back. 

At the moment I feel very angry with the universe. I feel like I have been pulled away from what I loved. I can no longer go back to the Galapagos Islands as you need to have a good health history. This makes me so sad as I loved life there. 

Everything is different and I am having to come to terms with settling for the life I have now rather than the life I wanted. I am an instantaneous person, so I am trying to get back a life that I would choose for myself. My instinct is to escape to another country, perhaps Australia, but I can’t at the moment because of my health.

I have moved back in with my parents, who have been enormously supportive, but I’m someone who doesn’t want a fuss and also someone who is very independent. 

In the meantime, I have been delivering talks on the symptoms of cancer in young people, which I have found really rewarding and have a job to start in September teaching languages. I believe everything happens for a reason and I like to think mine is because I’m not the type of person to stay quiet and I can save lives by going into schools and universities to raise awareness. I must admit though, when I’ve seen friends from the young cancer ward die around me, it is hard to keep this belief that everything happens for a reason.