Sway

‘Someone recently asked me how I felt about being diagnosed with lymphoma in 2010. I told them it felt like I had been dropped in the middle of the sea with no lifejacket, no boat - no equipment to help me. I didn’t have time to think about how I was going to get to the other side, I just had to deal with it. I knew that thinking ‘Why me?’ wouldn’t help; I had to stay strong and focus on myself in order to get to the other side. 

As a musician these thoughts became lyrics, so I recorded ‘The Sea’. The fact that it also sounds like the ‘C’ word is no coincidence.  

I have been making music in hip-hop and urban circles and done pretty well out of music for the last few years. By 2010 I had already done a lot musically, but was not going through the best time and was feeling ill quite regularly. I thought it could be anxiety or depression because of things that were going on at the time both personally and in my career. But I decided to see a doctor who thought it could be problems with my thyroid. I did actually have a long-standing thyroid condition but the way I was feeling at this point was a little different. I felt exhausted a lot of the time and often had these strange dizzy spells.

I found a lump on my neck and was initially told it could be an infection, so I was given some antibiotics. But the lump was getting bigger, not smaller, so I was told I would need to have a biopsy of the lump as a precaution.

When I got a phone call saying I needed to go in to discuss the results of the biopsy I genuinely wasn’t concerned. I was 28 at the time and never in my wildest dreams thought they would find anything. When the doctor told me I had significant traces of Hodgkin lymphoma, I did not know what it meant; I had not heard of Hodgkin lymphoma before. I certainly didn’t think it was cancer. It was when he said the word ‘cancer’ that it really hit me.

I was immediately told that Hodgkin lymphoma was treatable and that the majority of people come through this well. I was due to start treatment straight away with ABVD chemotherapy followed by radiotherapy.

I was determined to overcome this disease, but I did not want to bring attention to it. I spoke to everyone around me - my team and management – but told them I wanted to deal with it privately. I did not want to discuss it. So my career went quiet for several months while I was undergoing treatment.

The treatment was not as bad as I thought and towards the end of 2010 I went into remission. Looking back on that time, it was very difficult being taken out of a fast-paced lifestyle and forced to slow down. But going through this I found that I went through lots of changes in my life. I started to appreciate life more, and gave time to my family. I also really appreciated my relationship and am now married with a son.

Without the diagnosis of Hodgkin lymphoma, I’m not sure where my life would have ended up. I was living a fast-paced life, focussing on my career and on making money. I think Hodgkin lymphoma changed my approach to life in a good way.

Without the diagnosis of Hodgkin lymphoma, I'm not sure where my life would have ended up. I was living a fast-paced life, focussing on my career and on making money. I think Hodgkin lymphoma changed my approach to life in a good way

Sway

I am still involved in the music industry and in 2011 signed to a new record label. Since then I have had records in the top 10 and top 20 of the National UK Charts. In fact 2 of my highest charting singles were released soon after my treatment finished. 

Over the past few years since remission I had started to record an album called ‘Deliverance’ which includes the song ‘The Sea’ which covers my experience of Hodgkin lymphoma.  I decided to tell it in the third person because I wanted people to see I had become a different person; the person I am today. I hope that the song is heard by people who are going through difficult times due to illness – whether it is lymphoma or another disease.

The album was released in 2015 and I was really unsure about whether to include ‘The Sea’ as it feels so personal. I still don’t know how I feel about talking about my experience of lymphoma, but having been given the ‘all clear’ over 5 years ago, I feel stronger and realise that the likelihood of it returning now is small. Having said that, naturally there is always part of me that is looking over my shoulder. But no matter what happens, we must keep swimming.’

 

December 2016