The impact of lymphoma on relationships

Lymphoma can have various impacts on relationships. We outline some of the changes and challenges we often hear about. We also have tips to help you communicate effectively with the people around you if you, or someone close to you, is diagnosed with lymphoma.

We have separate information about talking to your child if you have lymphoma.

On this page

What changes and challenges can lymphoma cause within relationships?

If someone close to you has lymphoma

You and your partner 

What can help with challenges in relationships?

Working with someone who has lymphoma

What changes and challenges can lymphoma cause within relationships?

There are likely to be some changes and challenges within your relationships if you, or someone you care about, is diagnosed with lymphoma. Relationships of various kinds can be affected – for example, those with family members, a partner, friends, colleagues and acquaintances.

Changes to lives can alter relationships. However, although it can take time and patience, many people adjust well to these. Some describe a greater sense of connection in some of their relationships. 

Despite working as a haematology cancer pharmacist, it’s different when it is you that has the diagnosis. The rollercoaster of emotions takes its toll on all of the family. I found reading about others who have gone through diagnosis, treatment and recovery really helpful. I felt down when I was in hospital and missed out on my children’s milestones and events like sports day. However, having been through what I have, I am left with a totally different perspective. I want to make as many memories as possible with family and friends. 

Alex, diagnosed with diffuse large B-cell lymphoma 

If you are the person with lymphoma

There can be lots to adjust to when you’re diagnosed with lymphoma – this can have an emotional impact and bring changes to relationships. We outline some of the challenges we hear about from those we support:

• Some people might not seem to understand that you’re unwell, especially if you look well. This can bring a range of feelings, including frustration, a sense of being unsupported and feeling isolated.
• You might have a sense that others expect you to get ‘back to normal’ soon after treatment. This can feel insensitive and frustrating – you might feel that they have little idea of what you are going through, which can make you feel alone. In reality, it takes time to adjust to living with and beyond lymphoma, and to find your ‘new normal’.
• Some friends and acquaintances might seem to avoid conversation, possibly because they worry about upsetting you. It might help to let them know that you’re still you. You could encourage them to be as natural as possible with you, and not to worry about saying ‘the wrong thing’.
• Some people tell us that it’s a challenge to deal with others’ responses to their diagnosis – for example, it can be hard to feel that you have to go over your diagnosis again and to explain what medical words mean. 

How can I help other people understand a bit about lymphoma?

Many people don’t know much about lymphoma before they are diagnosed. It can be difficult to manage others’ emotions and questions about lymphoma. For example, friends and family might worry if you aren’t starting treatment straightaway because your doctors recommend active monitoring (‘watch and wait’). They might think that this will have a negative impact on your outcome, even though this is not what the evidence suggests. 

You might find it helpful to signpost people to our books and information. You could also let them know that our Helpline Services are available to them if they have general questions about lymphoma or would like to talk about how they’re feeling.

I found the hardest part of getting clear scan results was everyone celebrating the news, but I didn’t feel ecstatic – just relieved and exhausted from the stress of waiting for results. Talking about those feelings with my wife helped me accept that others not as close to me could never fully understand what we were going through. They cared and were genuinely happy for us, so we focussed on that.

Stephen, diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma

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If someone close to you has lymphoma

As a family member, partner or friend who is caring for someone who has lymphoma, there can be lots of changes to adjust to. 

In a survey of over 1,000 people, when asked how their loved ones could best help someone who was undergoing cancer treatment, 73% of respondents said simply spending time together would be the most helpful. 

Cancer Research UK, 2018

We outline some of the challenges we hear about from those we support:

• You might feel that others don’t understand the range of possible challenges caring for someone who has lymphoma can bring. For example, those around you might not realise the emotional impact of the diagnosis on you. This could include the person who has lymphoma, particularly if you are trying to protect them from your feelings or to present a positive and optimistic outlook. We have separate information and tips if you are caring for someone who has lymphoma.
• If you work, you might feel that colleagues do not realise the level of support you provide and how much energy this can take. You might have changed your working hours to help you care for the person, for example. You might be unsure of what to say to explain your situation. Think about what you’re comfortable with others knowing and what you might say to the people you work with. Consider talking to your HR department or line manager for support with this. Remember that we’re here for you too.
• There might be a gap between what you’d like to know about the health of the person you care for and what they’re willing to share. This can cause tension within the relationship. Consider possible reasons behind their approach in not involving you more. For example, they might be taking time to process information on their own. They might be trying to protect your feelings, or to keep a sense of their independence. Show that you’re willing and ready to talk, if and when they’d like to. However, try to accept that there might still be a difference between your wishes and what they’re comfortable with sharing. 

I was working, then heading home to sort everything out there. It took my boss to tell me to take time off, before I did so. I have learnt that it pays to take all the help you can get, whether that is offers of help from people or giving counselling a go. For me, focussing on my health and wellbeing put me in a much stronger position to support Martin and the rest of the family.

Clare, whose partner was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma

Depending on your situation, you might be interested in our book for family and friends, which provides practical tips and emotional support. Our Online Support Meetings for family, friends and carers of someone diagnosed with lymphoma are also available to you.  

We have separate information about talking to your child if you have lymphoma.

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You and your partner

Lymphoma can bring physical, emotional and practical changes and challenges within relationships. 

There might be changes to day-to-day tasks, like who does the food shopping or which of you drives when you go somewhere. 

If you are the person with lymphoma, you might feel frustrated in taking time out of doing all the things you usually do, even if this is short-term. Some people feel hesitant to ask a partner for help with the things they would ordinarily do themselves. 

If you are caring for someone who has lymphoma, your energy levels might be affected by taking on additional tasks, which can in turn affect your emotional wellbeing. You might worry about your partner's energy levels – you might want them to rest as much as possible and keep their energy levels low. However, this could clash with their wishes.

There might be differences in your ideas about the ‘best’ or preferred approach to situations. For example, one of you might prefer to quietly take in information after a hospital appointment, while the other has lots of questions to ask and wants to find out as much as possible.

Sexual intimacy

Sex is generally safe if you have lymphoma – however, it’s best to check with your medical team, for example, about any extra precautions to take during and after chemotherapy. You can read more about these in the frequently asked questions section of our information about chemotherapy. 

Although physical intimacy can boost wellbeing and build emotional connectedness, some people have sexual difficulties after a lymphoma diagnosis. These can happen for various reasons, including changes in body image, lowered self-confidence, heightened anxiety and stress levels. You might feel fatigued and generally unwell. Some types of chemotherapy can cause temporary erectile problems (impotence) in men. Speak to your medical team for advice if this affects you.

Macmillan Cancer Support have a book: Cancer and your sex life, which is free to download or order. They also have information about dating with a cancer diagnosis.

Talking about sex

Although communication can often help in any relationship, sex and intimacy can feel uncomfortable topics to talk about – you might find it becomes easier once you start.  

You and your partner might find it helpful to talk with the support of a professional who specialises in relationship and sexual difficulties (psychosexual counsellor). You could ask your doctor if they’re able to refer you on the NHS.

You might also consider paying for help, for example, through Relate, a charity that offers couples therapy. You could use an online search tool to find a private therapist in your area through the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) and the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP).

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What can help with challenges in relationships?

It can take some time, but there are things that can help your relationships as you adjust to living with lymphoma.

Relationships can grow in strength and depth when there is a real attempt to understand one another’s feelings and expectations. It might take time and effort, but finding ways of communicating effectively can have a significantly positive impact on relationships.

It’s also important to spend time together, away from thoughts about lymphoma. You could share a hobby together, go for a meal, or even just a walk, agreeing that you won’t talk about lymphoma during this time.

Tips for healthy relationships

Mental Health Foundation have information and tips for healthy relationships. They also have a summary report on relationships in the 21st century. This outlines how relationships can benefit from emotional wellbeing. It sets out the following key steps to improving relationships:

• Give time: set aside time to connect with friends and family.
• Presence: be fully ‘with’ the person or people you’re with, rather than trying to multitask or thinking about what you’ve just done or are going to do later.
• Listen: focus on the person you’re talking to and really pay attention to what they’re saying.
• Be listened to: talk with honesty and let yourself be listened to.
• Recognise healthy and unhealthy relationships: choose to spend time with the people who have a positive impact on your mental wellbeing, and limit your time with the people who have a negative impact on your feelings.

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Working with someone who has lymphoma

It can be hard to know what to say to a colleague who’s been diagnosed with lymphoma. You could start by saying just that; that you’re unsure what to say. Often, starting a conversation is the hardest part – just acknowledging this can help to show that you care.

I think a ‘get well’ card can underplay the impact of a lymphoma diagnosis. However, I received many lovely cards as well as the heart-felt messages inside. I found that those depicting inspiring nature scenes such as rolling hills or seascapes to be a nice distraction from the four walls of my hospital or bedroom.

Stephen, diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma 

You might like to read some of our basic tips on effective communication. Our Helpline Team is also available if you’d like to talk about how you’re feeling or about any aspect of lymphoma.

If you are the employer of someone with lymphoma, Macmillan Cancer Support has information, resources and training to help you support the person at work.

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